On the big scale of things, my life, evidently insignificant, often feels so vast and overwhelming. Then I get a little of hint of reality. Someone crosses my path whose life is so much more
devastatingly imperfect than even my own. Or the vile words of an important friend who loves and knows me, sometimes better than I even know myself, causes a revolution of the mind & soul against who I have become.
What arrogance we have as people. This self proclaiming dominant animal of the world; yet we fear nature at its best. Claiming to be independent all the while, we grip our pillow tight wishing we were not so alone, and for some even as their loved one lay just inches from the very heart we spend so much of our life trying to heal or protect.
The beauty of the mind is my only fortress in these dark hours. When I find myself in these deep thoughts, purgatory begins. Though it burns to face our own reality, to discover what we have become, it is also miraculous that we can change about ourselves, the things we do not accept. Doing it for others often results in bitterness. But when done for the benefit of your own desire, when gaining that lost self confidence back is the ultimate goal, the satisfaction of victory is just as overwhelming as the very first sign of issue or lack. That first realization that change is at hand for happiness to be found again, within yourself, or in this case, MYself.
Imperfection. A word I am extraordinarily proverbial with, has become not a feeling of failure, but rather a truth directly related to my own personal happiness. I realize that being imperfect does not mean being inferior. Inferiority is birthed in those that run from which they are, and
never choose to face it, and evolve as a person. Eventually our feet tire and we are cornered by our own failures and idiosyncrasies. At this point, we are forced to look at our situations, and decide how we will handle them. I choose to accept the decisions I made, forgive myself for the ones I wish to not experience again, and improve them. Taking a stand for me, because I am all
there is. When I am standing before my Creator, there will be no one vouching for me. It is me and Him, and I want to know I have done my best to be who I was created to, and chose to be.
In my imperfection, I also possess love, creativity, a rather large heart, and the smarts to realize when I am wrong, and the courage to change in myself that which makes me discontented. Even if it takes me slightly longer than others, and maybe a few more scrapes, cuts & bruises, eventually I get there.
I have waved my white flag. Surrendered to the person in me who has desired to emerge.
